Friday, 15 May 2009

Lust, Love and Heartache

Originally Posted - 10 Feb 2008

Well I am home, the much anticipated night away over, poof just like that, a little under 24 hours spent with My Love, a long drive back home and now what I can only describe as a feeling of vagueness and numbness.

I dare not succumb to it, to do so would make it not only very awkward at home but also diminish the wonderfulness of our time together and that I so desperately don’t want to do.

So many thoughts and feelings rushing through and into my head it almost makes me nauseous, some of them make me smile, deep urge to break out a giggle, some to wrap myself in the nearest warm cosy thing and lose myself, some send my pants and mind into melt down. Yes there are definitely three clear emotions to this weekend.

Love. Lust. Heartache.

And without this all being a mishmash of a blog it is difficult to write about so I shall break it down a little but I think it will probably end up very mushy cos that’s how I feel.

We met as arranged at our usual spot; it’s been four weeks since we were last together, when we meet, for me at least, there is the initial OMG moment when it FEELS like it’s been that long then overwhelmed by the sheer comfort of being with him. We drove to his place of work where it had been decided I would leave my car overnight, we put its little parking pass in place, popped my bags into the boot of his and although I did hear him say something about no bin liners this time I was concentrating on getting my two bags and making sure car was locked. My bags are heavy and large. He manages (as do most men) with a small rucksack type bag. You know the deal, toothbrush, clean pants, deodorant and clean t-shirt.

Me? Oh 2 lots of lingerie, 3 different tops in case I change my mind, spare shoes, hairdryer, straighteners, large toiletries bag, etc etc *blush* come on guys……it’s a girl thing!! Plus of course my bag of Tormentress’ toys!!

Now at this point I am going to go off at a bit of a tangent because I had asked him if he wanted to play a little on the run up to our night, he had agreed. At the beginning of the week I asked him to pick a number between 1 and 10. He picked his favourite magic number…..9. I also asked him if his panties and his MkIII contraption accessible, he said were.

Tuesday I gave him the list of the 10 toys we have now accumulated for play and told him as he had selected the number 9 he was to choose 1 toy to discard with regard to our play on Friday. He discarded the cuffs.

So….restraints, flogger, paddle, switch, butt plug, feeldoe, candles, pegs and cockring all still in play……

Thursday he spent the day at work wearing the deep pink lace thong he so sweetly has as his display picture and Friday he set off to meet me wearing his chastity contraption.

So when we met, kissed, sat together in the car, parked, had lunch, walked around the town browsing the shops and giggling together he was wearing the contraption, for me, because I had told him to, and occasionally I touched him, cupping him as we stood together looking at hideously priced handbags, brushing him with my body as we queued for coffee. Very powerful stuff, on my part at least and I’m sure he may elaborate more in his blog

All this aside, when we are together we have fun, easy comfortable, loved-up company. The world, our world is a very smiley, sexually charged, romantic, soppy, giggly place and it is wonderful, I feel very happy.

We checked into the hotel and found our room and then aaargh!!! I had left the restraints in the back of my car!! His throw away, ignored comment about black bin liners was because that is what they were wrapped in!! Had I paid more attention I would have realised but here we were 7 miles away from my car without them. Did I want them? Should he go back for them? It would only take about 40 minutes….?

I think for a moment we both went through that well do YOU want them? Neither of us wanting to say we did or didn’t in case that wasn’t what the other wanted but then I thought be honest!! It’s what we are based on, honesty! Yes I DID want them, I was gutted that they had been forgotten so I put on my assertive Tormentress head and said yes I wanted them and yes I would like him to go get them, off he trotted good obedient little slut that he is. A moment passed and I began to unpack my bag, then I was sorry I had sent him alone, I pushed open the stupid window as far as it would go (about 3 inches) and peered into the street just to see him disappear round the corner, utterly overwhelmed and with tears threatening I rang him……Stop!! Come back for me!! I want to come too!!

I didn’t want to be alone in a strange hotel, while the man I adore goes on an errand to retrieve something WE share, it is OUR game, OUR play, OUR fun and I wanted to be with him every moment I could be.

We met in the lift and walked happily together to the car park. I was so thrilled I had chosen to go, the journey was erotic, I raised the hem of my skirt a little exposing my stocking clad thigh and as we drove his handed rested and stroked me, both of us giggling as one of the poppers on his contraption snapped open under the strain as he touched me, we collect the restraints from my car and drove happily back to our place.

Our play is developing and progressing. I am getting much more confident in our play, that’s not to say I don’t fear hurting him too much, too long, too hard, but that I have begun to be more confident in the play we do.

Most of our play is so sexually charged the line between play and sex gets very blurred. I know the run up to us meeting is all very sexually orientated, most of our chat and discussion is around arousal and tease and this plays a large part in our play, it is a part that I adore, without it I am not sure how I would feel about it. I would have to ‘detach’ myself from it and that is something that as his lover I do not want to do.

I get a tremendous buzz from his submission, a lot of that because I see his reaction to it, I think that although not all the things I do are sexual there is huge sexual tension between us. I have suggested that perhaps one day we should play and I shall try resist playing in a sexual fashion and see how that alters the dynamics of it, I think it must do.

We played wonderfully on our return to our room. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, I feel quite strange writing about it when we haven’t discussed it fully ourselves and I would be assuming how it all made him feel and what were the highlights, we usually do that over a few days afterwards as to do so at the time, the dissection and analysing seems remote and spoils the mood of being with a lover but needless to say it was immense fun, exciting, intoxicating and exploratory. We played for almost 2 hours, I think possibly our longest scene yet, and this comes from my growing confidence.

Now, my wonderful play partner when horn induced lets his mind wonder in all sorts of directions and frequently despite his submissive tendencies he becomes very ‘switchy’

After our play was complete and we had lay together a while, had some juice and chatted he decided to turn the tables on me! He stood me in the middle of the room, carefully blindfolded me and explored. Now this is not scary or risqué or particularly naughty but until a few weeks ago being blindfolded and restrained was not something I had EVER experienced so it is a new and strange sensation for me. He slowly explored and touched and teased and then gently guided me to the bed and sat me on the edge, stretching me out and binding my arms above my head. Then among much chuckling he took his leg restraints and attached them to my own ankles. And there I was, spread before him, helpless and sightless making his exploration and touch of me exquisitely focussed upon. As I lost myself in his touch he reached out for my favourite toy (now there is a story to this but I will have to tell it in another blog or this will go on forever!) and twisting on the vibrate had me teased and squirming, all of me still so sensitive from the climax of HIS play now only to be taken to the edge again. Then another sensation, the small coldness of the vibrating bullet from his cockring pressed into my folds, glided rhythmically over my clit. Fuck! Slowly, then faster, only to slow again, then frantic, slow again…….

I came with mind blowing intensity, I shuddered and gasped and shed hot tears of release. He lay beside me the blindfold now off and cradled and kissed me as I came back down to earth. We lay a while and then he said “Do you think you could manage to roll over my love?” No I replied as he took my ankle restraints and gently rotated me over the edge of the bed! Ha ha! So now I am face down, bent over and still restrained!! He explored me in a fashion I have only ever fantasised about, fingers, and toys filling and fucking me. So intensely intimate, so amazingly erotic when you trust so implicitly the person you are playing with. It ended predictably filthily *grin* (but I did get my own back at the very end of the night, but again you will have to read his to find out)

And now the slushy bit

We rested, we showered and we readied ourselves for our evening out, wandering the busy streets filled with weekend revellers deciding where we should eat. We chose Pizza and sat opposite each other by the window overlooking the street below. It was strange to be across a table from him, not beside him, we are still very much at that nausea provoking stage where we have to be in touching and kissing distance of each other!

We returned to make love, no toys, and no games, just us. Bedtime was late; we wrapped ourselves in each other tumbling into deep sound sleep, close to each other, waking to sleepy morning kisses, growing desire, snuggling with coffee in the morning…… pure unadulterated bliss…..

But then a hateful morning, the sound of children’s voices outside in the corridor bringing us back to earth with a bump and I know that from that point I had lost him, I busied myself in coffee drinking but then we clung to each other not wanting to start the ritual of getting ready to leave. We had to get up and dress and ready ourselves to say goodbye once more. It seems to hurt a little more each time and today I have spent much of the time feeling fragile and more than a little hollow. There is so much more going on in my head and heart but I just don’t have the stomach to ponder it enough to be able to write about it, not yet when I feel so raw.

We are to meet again on Valentines Day and that is only a mere handful of days away and so I shall cling to that thought and the knowledge that I am loved and have had the most wonderful time with my darling DB, to dwell and allow this sadness to engulf me would spoil all that was magical and amazing and I can’t let that happen…….

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