Originally Posted - 30 Sept 2008
I have today been to see my doctor. Well "A" doctor. Not my lovely favourite Doctor who I give a capital letter to because I like him and he is wonderful and wise and has always made me better, he wasn't available today and I really needed to see someone today.
I have been considering going to see him for about a month if I am totally honest, considering discussing going back on the pill.
Am I suddenly in need of contraception? No..... Apart from the fact that I really do not desire pregnancy at my 'delicate' age, I have always found it quite difficult to 'get' pregnant, both the men I have had any sexual contact with in the last 2 years have had a vasectomy and of course while I sort out the present chapter of my life I will not be having sex with anyone so no....no need for contraceptive pills.
I have been to see a lovely lady doctor who I have seen before almost 3 years ago and who today has put me back on prozac and has signed me off from work on sick leave for a period of 3 weeks.
Hopefully during this time, although my life will not magically morph into a perfect one, I will hopefully feel strong enough to deal with it, will be able to do the simple things like function throughout the day and sleep throughout the night without my head being in a continual blurr and whirr of mad, disjointed thoughts, a majority of which I have neither power nor knowledge enough to deal with.
None of this is anyones fault, no blame to be apportioned, it is just a combination of unhappy problems/facts/developments in my life at present. I will get through this, I have done before and I will do again, I like the me that feels strong and safe, I like the me that brings pleasure and happiness into others lives, I like the me that people are pleased to encounter and I will be that me again. For me.
So I am sitting here now, sipping sweet milky latte and having just swallowed my first wee happy pill and I'm going to wrap myself up for a bit.