Monday, 6 April 2009

Life Avoidance

Originally Posted - 16 July 2009

Well, I am perfecting a new skill. It is not one that I want to pursue for very long but one that is very necessary at the moment.

Now this has you all intrigued doesn't it? What new skill is she honing to perfection? What new string to her bow is she perfecting?

It is 'Life Avoidance' - never heard of it? Oh I'm sure we have all done it at some time, let me explain.

Saturday morning I woke at the un-godly hour of 6am. Shit! There I was awake and thinking, thoughts invading my head. So I made the necessary loo visit and curled back in my bed, using my new techniques to blot out all thought…low and behold I re-woke at 9.30. And my first waking thought then was "Thank God for that, three and half hours less of today to get through"

Last night, having baby-sitting duties cancelled I text friend at short notice to see if she could join me attending gig at local venue. "Oooh yes! Fantastic! See you later!" came the reply. So I got myself ready and headed out for company, new and old, much beer and very loud rock music. Another 5 hours not having to think.

Of course due to late night and beer I managed to sleep until 11 am this morning...hey this is good such a short day to manage today! But then because at least when I sleep I do not have conscious thought I took myself to bed again for a little over 2 hours this afternoon.

It is now 8pm and in my sad little head this means that in approximately 3 hours I can return to unconsciousness once again.

This is all very strange and new for me. As many of you know I have spent the last nine months grumbling about how my life is slipping by, how i am not ready to slip mindlessly into middle-age yet, how I am going to fight to grab every moment of pleasure and fun I can. And yet here I am chuffed at myself for finding my new skill...and immensely grateful for it too, it stops me having to be aware of all the dreadful pain, confusion and heartache that is my life at the moment.

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