Originally Posted - 30 October 2007
Today is an ordinary day, a Tuesday, bright and autumnal, average temperature for the time of year. I should imagine for some of you it marks an occasion, some of you may have birthdays, an appointment, a meeting of some sort but generally it is an ordinary day....
Last year it was on a Monday of course,
The previous evening, bored and ignored I was sending messages and browsing users here on MySpace. I sent one friend request. To 'Dirty Bastard'. The self condemning mystery pervert. No fine picture, just a blurred image of an unrecognisable face.
So when on Monday morning I logged in at work to find that not only had he had accepted my request but also that there was a message for me in my inbox from him, I was a bit nervous (I know, it sounds silly but my page was very new and I have always been a little dubious about the net, never done chat rooms and the like, still haven't to this day)
His was a simple message thanking me for my request and enquiring the reason for it. I responded and told him that although his profile was clearly meant to point out his sexual perversions and interest in porn that I had read many of his blogs and they had amused and interested me. I followed this by asking him why he had accepted my request, he replied that he had looked at my profile and it had made him smile.
And that is the beginning of the story that you should all know by now for it has been well documented over the last 365 days.
And so today, this ordinary, average, run of the mill Tuesday at the end of October is anything but that for me, to us. It marks the day that we have known each other One Year that we have been part of each others lives that we have fallen and been in love with each other, it marks our special day
We would both have loved to have spent this day together, but real life dictates otherwise. This morning I have opened an email, a poem he has written for me, the words (all 365 of them) so perfect, so beautiful I wept as I read them. No one in my entire life has written or said words to me like he has; no one in my entire grown up life has made me feel as precious. I am overwhelmed by them, truly overwhelmed. I want to copy them all here, to show them off in some perverse teenage way, so proud am I that someone should love me this way and better still that I love them back equally.
In my darker moments I know that what we share is wrong in some eyes, that our love as much as it builds and sustains us could and has hurt others, but when I wipe away these unwanted thoughts it is difficult to consider something so good, so pure, so equal, so intense as anything but a blessing, a once in a lifetime love, a never to be repeated bond.
And so today I go about my ordinary average Tuesday with a smile on my face and in my heart, a skip in my step and a glow surrounding me and I thank My Love for everyday he has and hopefully will be part of my life.
Plain and simple, I love him....
Now 18 months on from this post, I will share with you the poem he sent me
None of these have gone unmarked,
There aren't many who could claim that,
Not many could make so bold a claim.
I have loved you for the most of that,
for the rest,
I was simply
In love with you.
I sat down to write this,
and almost every thing has been said,
I have told you everything,
of the beauty I see in your face,
the love in your heart,
the grace in your movements.
I have told you all this often and have been scorched
by the heat in your soul,
have looked into your eyes
and seen further into my own.
We have shared moments of such intimacy,
but I have never felt naked,
I wear your love as a shield
a badge of honour
I am rightly proud that a woman such as you
can love me,
and every day anew
I seek to earn that love with efforts of my own.
I ache to make you smile,
to make you laugh,
that percussive giggle, when tears reach your eyes,
your sides ache
and I know that your heart sings.
As much as I long to look upon you,
hair damp and ruffled, breathing hard,
cheeks flushed, the sated sensual beauty of you,
that smile upon your face,
I wonder how
when these words are writ
how you will receive them,
when your eyes see
and your sharp mind begins to analyse,
will you see them as clumsy,
for they are,
in you I am lost
there are no adequate words
no turns of phrase
that will ever
a woman you are.
Once I thought that I could write this poetry,
you have taught me that our best
efforts are in our moments together
exploring without words
you express more with a kiss
than I have felt before,
more without words
than all of these words could ever say.
Of these lines there is a word for every day I have known you
and the last five were simple
and pre ordained
I Love You,