Sunday, 5 July 2009

For The Love of God

Originally Posted - 26 Mar 2009

It has been nearly a week since MIL arrived at my home.
She has improved a fair bit during that time, a visit to the doctor here has seen a change of drugs she is on. She has gained a little strength but at times still seems terribly confused.

She insists that she can get a bus 'home', to All Saint, to Antigua. We cannot get her to understand the concept that she has flown here for nigh on 10 hours to be here in England.

Its only been the last 2 days that she has known who we all are, but she hugs me and compliments my cooking, calls me 'sweetheart', she needs help to wash and dress and her mental clarity comes and goes.

I feel very protective of her, my girls adore her and don't seem at all fazed by Nana's odd rambling at times but the most healing touch of all I feel, has been the consistent, gentle and calming care of my husband who spent the first 5 days here at home with her. It has highlighted his patience, steadiness and solid presence.

MIL talks a lot of God, her love for God, that God always comes to her aid, is there for her, provides for her, takes care of her. The cynic in me mumbles that it isn't God that has been up 3 times in the night to her, that is washing and dressing her and doing her laundry, but I nod and smile and while we have been chatting we have agreed that when she needed help God has brought her to her family for care.

I am not a believer. I have thoughts on 'God' which will wait for another blog, but maybe he has brought her to us for us to give her the care she needs. And in doing so has shown me the wonderful man I have been married to and shared my life with. Maybe he will be so kind as to point out my good traits to my patient husband too.

This week I have re-placed my wedding ring which was removed from my finger the day before I slept with db for the first time and has been absent from my finger since. It didn't 'feel' right to wear it any longer. Its been a long 20 months, time enough for the indentation to fade and disappear, the pale skin beneath to tan and blend in.

This week I feel like his wife again and it feels slightly heavy and noticeable of my finger, but perhaps that is a good thing.

It has long been said that 'God' moves in mysterious ways


  1. I do believe your mil has been brought to you for a reason, a similar reason of the one given to me for being able to care for a disabled child. We all have the ability to go further and without encouragement, we often don't use it. Your mil is very lucky to have you there.

    CJ xx

  2. Get help now. You will never be the same after caregiving full-time. Gram has been gone almost 2 years. The children and I still haven't recovered. Save your sanity, and that of your children. Spend (if any) Gram's money on caregivers to help you. You're going to need it. Best wishes.