Its hardly a void is it? Not when there are people out there reading my words. Of course I admit there aren't many of you, a handful of folks intrigued or bored enough to devour my meagre words...but hey my lovelies! you fill the void! So I shall vent to you!
You now know that the relationship with 'K' has been, at least partially, resumed. We chat on an almost daily basis, have arranged a lunch date in early March and are hoping to plan a 'holiday' together ....ha ha ha its a day stolen from his time owed from work but it means we can spend a whole day together, we may go into London and explore!
Now for those of you of a delicate disposition please shield your eyes but I have written that we engage in sexual play of an adult nature before so you shouldn't be too shocked. We manage to lose ourselves in the erotic world of cyber, we make love with words and voices over the phone and we also play Femdom D/s games through the mediums of email, text and the web....shocking stuff!
This is the sum total of my sex life at the moment having not had any intimate contact with my husband for 19 months....nothing....zilch. It makes me sad. Not because I am not having sex with my husband, more because I am not having sex at all! I am a mere *@$?# years old and I have so much love and passion and warmth to give, truly the thought of never making love again makes me groan....and so NOT in a good way! But I have found that amazing 'cyber' sex is better than unsatisfactory real sex and so.........
I also am honest with my husband, as I have previously written, I never saw the point in creating more lies once I had been honest and everything was in the open, I don't go out to be cruel and I don't tell if I'm not ask but if I am I don't lie or pretend.
My Love and I have reverted to our past ways and tell each other often of our affections and thoughts and feelings, its what we do and do it exceptionally well.
So when this weekend he and I got into a wee discussion about morals and I 'jokingly' referred to them as a 'pile of poo' he retorted that was something we have never agreed on and that he was still making "a pathetic attempt at morality" (He means because he has spelled out to me at the end of last year that although he loves me intensely he can "never act on that love" - in other words I don't get shagged!) A follow up text confirmed what I was already thinking, that the irony of that comment wasn't lost on him as he was at that very moment walking around a Garden Centre wearing a pair of ladies panties at my instruction with a semi-erection! Enough said!
I was furious! I bit my tongue and simmered for a while before replying. But when I did I brought to his attention that whatever he thought of MY morals or views on them, it wasn't me that was living a lie or deceiving my spouse. When he and I first met and delved into our 'affair' he seemingly did an extremely good job at convincing wifey that all was good and dandy, for when he finally came clean and told her all she was shocked, she hadn't got a clue, she hadn't been suspicious, she was upset that he claimed he had been so unhappy with her and she hadn't been aware, as a husband he had 'ticked all her boxes'!
We now once again have lots of contact, we speak most days, he tells me he loves me, we share sexual times arousing each other with words and playing games when I know we are both focussed on each other and not our immediate surroundings....so either she is blind or he is doing another bloody good job of making all appear hunky dory at home!
I don't think its my view of 'poo-shaped-morals' that needs to be questioned at all at this moment in time!
End of vent *grins broadly* Thank you for listening.....
Showing posts with label FEmdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FEmdom. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Thoughts of a Rambling Mind
Yesterday I said goodbye. A final farewell blog at the adult site I have been a member of for over 2 years. I tried to keep it quite positive and upbeat but don't mind admitting I was in tears by the time I had finished it, the replies have made me weep more. I have made a few good friends there, some who I know will stay in my life for a long time if not forever.
Of course you can't please all of the people all of the time and I also made some, I won't call them enemies but maybe adversaries, folks who just seemed to like to stir some sort of shite and play mind games.
I am a very trusting person, since I discovered the online world of chat and messaging, blogging and forum posting I have only ever shown the real me, written in truth of emotions and actions or at least in the truth of how they felt or appeared to me. They are my truth. I wrote a long while ago when reposting my original blogs that I was proud and comforted when reading them back, to not once taking in a line or paragraph and thinking "my my girl, you exaggerated that one a bit!".
Because I am like that, admittedly hidden behind the pseudo-names of Tormentress and VelveteenRabbit, I expect and believe that all others are the same. Of course they're not. They make up their own stories, their own pasts, presents and futures, they become perhaps the person they feel they can never be in the real world and sometimes they then find another distraction that means they disappear from the cyber world without a word. For someone who deals in an open heart approach to life and love and gives of herself, what little can be given over the net, this can be confusing and hurtful.
The place I have left is also the site that my lover and I joined to explore our journey into Femdom, its a place that at first I clung to in case he came back to me, then because I got so much support and escapism from the friends I had made there and finally because I thought I could perhaps move on there. I made a new profile, gave myself a new nick but always came back to Tormentress because that was who I had really become, she was now part of me. At times my presence there brought comfort, at times terrible pain for what I was no longer a part of.
Increasingly engaging online has left me feeling used, empty and out of my depth and as it has been proclaimed there will be no 'exploration' of anything less than the mssionary position here (thats if a sexual relationship actually ever resumes and its looking less and less likely!) then my dabbling into that world now feels more fraudulent than ever before.
I have considered writing a novel, I am not sure how to begin and I am googling to find information but at least then I can find escapism in something constructive and perhaps cathartic too. I am glad to still have this place where I can empty my head and heart into the void and not have to pretend to be something that perhaps I never truly was in the first place.
Of course you can't please all of the people all of the time and I also made some, I won't call them enemies but maybe adversaries, folks who just seemed to like to stir some sort of shite and play mind games.
I am a very trusting person, since I discovered the online world of chat and messaging, blogging and forum posting I have only ever shown the real me, written in truth of emotions and actions or at least in the truth of how they felt or appeared to me. They are my truth. I wrote a long while ago when reposting my original blogs that I was proud and comforted when reading them back, to not once taking in a line or paragraph and thinking "my my girl, you exaggerated that one a bit!".
Because I am like that, admittedly hidden behind the pseudo-names of Tormentress and VelveteenRabbit, I expect and believe that all others are the same. Of course they're not. They make up their own stories, their own pasts, presents and futures, they become perhaps the person they feel they can never be in the real world and sometimes they then find another distraction that means they disappear from the cyber world without a word. For someone who deals in an open heart approach to life and love and gives of herself, what little can be given over the net, this can be confusing and hurtful.
The place I have left is also the site that my lover and I joined to explore our journey into Femdom, its a place that at first I clung to in case he came back to me, then because I got so much support and escapism from the friends I had made there and finally because I thought I could perhaps move on there. I made a new profile, gave myself a new nick but always came back to Tormentress because that was who I had really become, she was now part of me. At times my presence there brought comfort, at times terrible pain for what I was no longer a part of.
Increasingly engaging online has left me feeling used, empty and out of my depth and as it has been proclaimed there will be no 'exploration' of anything less than the mssionary position here (thats if a sexual relationship actually ever resumes and its looking less and less likely!) then my dabbling into that world now feels more fraudulent than ever before.
I have considered writing a novel, I am not sure how to begin and I am googling to find information but at least then I can find escapism in something constructive and perhaps cathartic too. I am glad to still have this place where I can empty my head and heart into the void and not have to pretend to be something that perhaps I never truly was in the first place.
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