The Naughty Nitty Gritty

Ok ok. Lets get down to the nitty gritty. Lets talk about sex! Or lack of it......

This is one area that seems to be sadly brushed under the carpet with us 'ladies'....we don't like to admit to having rampant libidos......or frustrated fumblings.....or really just not enough of the hot stuff! So I am going to be brutally honest here......I am a horny little beastie!

I have always been very 'physical', have always had a 'healthy' sexual appetite, an open mind and exploratory curiosity about sexuality and sexual practices. There are things that have flitted across my libido driven mind over the years that I wouldn't even tell my best friend (yer! that bad! or is that good?). I was sexually active at 15 (with my regular boyfriend) and have always enjoyed it though I admit when younger and more naive I was not the most imaginitive or confident paticipant. I suppose I have always taken the lead from my partner (quite strange really now that I have enjoyed a very Femdom relationship with ex-lover) being guided by what he wanted, what the male decided, his choice of position and activity. This means that when with a 'conservative' partner my sex was staid, when with someone with a 'lust for luuurrrvvee' I was equally enthusiastic!

I have written before that sex with my husband has at best been adequate with the occasional 'fabby-dabby-mind-blowing' moments, at worst 'roll on roll off' or non-existant. As you can imagine throwing yourself back into an intimate sexual relationship with him hasn't been easy after my affair and his dire lack of sexual-communication skills, arousal, libido and fantasies make it very hard for me to contemplate this. It has always been the case, for many years, but since with my lover I shared THE most amazing sexual chemistry, THE most intimate love-making, THE most 'kinky' (if thats the word that it is - I prefer adventurous - if it feels-good-do-it!) sex I have ever experienced and everything that I have on offer now feels flat and empty and 'beige'.............

Now I am an experienced woman (with more tricks up my sleeve now than I have ever had before) and I know that if the moment came about I could blow hubbys socks off and leave them steaming 20 feet away! But I don't have the desire for him and he sadly hasn't seemed interested in resuming sexual contact with me so its not as if I have had to be fighting him off. It has now been over 15 months since I was last with my lover and in the ensuing months hubby and I have had fumblings, half hearted attempts at 'getting it on'. Two lead to brief penetrative encounters, one hand job (which he complimented) and one rather horny wine-induced advance from me which lead to a premature end on his part and a bewildered me.

I asked him one evening while cooking family dinner and he was rummaging around for a snack in the fridge what had happened to us, where was the passion? His reply shocked me. We have got old he said....Noooo I cried! YOU have got old not me!

I am not ready to do the coco and a good book at bed time yet, I don't want to think I will never have passion and lust and adventure again..... I have told him that at some point we have to get this sorted, we have to try and get ourselves back on track because I am not prepared to live the rest of my life sexless......I'm still young and passionate and longing.....

I have not had sex now for around 9 months..... this has been driving me crazy! (I have shares in Duracell and bulk buy!) but imagine how surprised I was to discover that with my wonderful new pills comes a bit of a dive in my sex drive, over the last 4 weeks it hasn't crossed my mind half as much, in fact a week or so ago I sort of 'made myself' think about it just to see if I was in working order still..... I am....just about..... I have been known to 'indulge' myself as many as 4 times in a day (when the stimulus was there of course..... *embarrassed smile*)

This last weekor two hubby has started to be a little more attentive, a cuddle in bed, a little touching and stroking my skin, tiny signs that he has taken on board what I have said, I am grateful for his attempt but am left unmoved. The caresses and intimacy I have so longed for make me numb, I feel a 'shutdown' of my senses as I lay waiting to see what he may want from me and for once I lay relieved when it leads to nothing more than warmth beside me.....