experiences and thoughts from a mind that should be far more sensible at this age......
Sunday, 6 February 2011
I have recently finished reading a book, one of my favourite type, fiction, a bit of a tear jerker, funny in places, you know the sort, an easy read. The main character wasn't a particularly good man, bogged down by misplaced loyalties and personal goals, self centred and blind to the person he had become and yet cleverly he was delivered to you in a way that made you care about him, you wanted to find him likable. He befriended a mysterious stranger who seemed down on his luck and in return was given The Gift. The Gift of being able to be two people, to be in two places at any one time, to carry out two sets of commitments simultaneously. What an amazing feat, how utterly brilliant that would be if only it were possible!
I could be here living in the bosom of my once-adequate marriage, loving and caring for my girls, close by my widowed father, not in the least concerned with the lack of passion, intimacy and companionship in my love life. Because elsewhere there was the 'Other' me, loving and living, laughing and sharing my 'Other' life with my lover, the 'Other' K, the one who was free of commitments and guilt, free to love me and be mine and full of the life and love I crave....... And he in turn could remain where he needs to be, with his children and their mother, with his friends, family and neighbours, unrocking their world and not caring about its similar inadequacies because his 'Other' self had me....! Of course the price for this wondrous gift for our questionable hero was his life(there's always the kill joy downside eh!) ....The Gift was given to him so he could tie up loose ends, make amends and complete his personal goals all before his untimely end...... So with that in mind I'll happily give it a miss and carry on with my imperfect lives and loves....but it was a lovely dream on a damp dreary windy Sunday afternoon